Random stuff.What drives me moving forward.

Me.me.me. I like myself a lot.

My children, who are the most wonderful in the whole world. (Grammatically speaking, there is no such thing as “the most wonderful”,but to me,they really are.)

My husband and my mum. The 2 strongest persons in my life.

My father, who is in Heaven.

Above all, Our Father in Heaven .

The sun.The rain.The flowers in my garden.A good book. Snowing when it’s dark outside. A cup of tea.My favourite T-shirt. And jeans. The trees blossoming in pink. Giggling with my children. Eating ice cream. Painting like I’m Picasso :))))My husband’s hugs when I’m crying.Old photos. My mum dancing with my kids.


Blessed to be alive.

in capul meu

mi-am luat medicamentul.de fapt medicamentele,ca sunt doua.una pentru frica,cealalta pt frica.toate sunt pentru frica.sau mai bine zis impotriva fricii.respira.respira cum te-au invatat.urmareste aerul cum intra in plamani,cum isi continua drumulcum….stai….mi se pare ca nu imi bate inima.nu hiperventila,ca altfel faci atac de panica.nu stiu ce e mai rau,sa-l faci sau sa-l astepti,ca stii ca vine. dar intre timp respira,nu uita sa respiri.ma doare si stomacul,nu stiu daca de la medicamentesau de la faptul ca nu pot manca mai nimic.o fii si asta pe baza nervoasa?anorexie,bulimie ,vin toate in cap.te strange de gat si nu mai stii daca ai numarat destul,nu-i nimic,ia-o de la inceput,ai timp destul,doar daca nu mori acum sau in urmatoarea secunda.dar nu mori,ca vine urmatoarea respiratie,dar tie tot ti-e frica ca mori si ti se pare ca lesini sau parca nu ,apoi iti plezneste capul si-ti vine sa vomiti,mai bine ai vomita sau mai bine n-ai vomita,ca si asa nu mananci destul,hai sa incercam cu yoga,hai sa meditam,tu si cu mine,adica eu si capul meu,apoi ma rog Doamne,ajuta-ma sa trec si peste asta si maine din nou

Family anxiety

If someone fights anxiety,the whole family fights it too. It can be very frustrating sometimes,because they all want to help,but they don´t know how. Sometimes it escalates and that leads to more stress and more anxiety.

It can be about the last slice of cake on the plate or the last piece of salami in the fridge.Well,it`s not about that at all. It´s about desperately wanted to know that everything is fine or at least that everything is going to be fine.There´s no balance anymore and we all need balance.

I have thought a lot about coping strategies,but the truth is,it is hard. I don´t like to see my children acting like everything is normal,when it`s not. Or maybe that´s just their silent way of supporting me.

I know we all have our personal way of dealing with stress. But it breaks my heart to see them like that.

today´s revelation

running after perfection my whole life has made me anxious and sad.It was always about better and more.I was feeling guilty all the time,that I didn´t do enough,that I was not enough. And it was getting worse. Always.

But then I came to realize that noone´s perfect. We all have our struggles.Mine has just begun (for a couple of years) and it can be a neverending story. But it´s getting better as time passes and I discover myself every single day.I have bad days,but then there´s a good day and this is all I need to move forward.

Stigma and the pathologization of normal

Mental Health @ Home

Health spelled out in tabletsPadrinan on Pixabay

Mental illness stigma comes from many places and in many forms.  Stigma often invalidates the experience of those of us with mental illness, and one of the ways this can happen is through pathologizing normalcy.  By this I mean inflating the significance of “normal” emotions and minimizing the significance of mental illness to make it seems as though they’re on par with each other.  Some of this comes from the language we use.  “Anxiety” and “depression” are often used to describe “normal” human emotions, but the same words are also used to describe psychiatric disorders.  This distinction is not always apparent to people with limited knowledge about mental illness, which is where misinterpretations come in.  People may think that because they feel “anxious” or “depressed” emotionally and those feelings are uncomfortable, then they likely have a mental health disorder.  Conversely, people with an anxiety disorder or…

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oh,well

It´s funny how our brain works,isn´t it?I´m a Romanian living in Germany who likes writing in English.These days I´m fighting a depression and all of a sudden all my languages are in my head,struggling,too. Which should be the first one?Romanian-that´s my mother tongue.But I love English-why not English then?Maybe German-hell,no. 🙂

The point is, I just want to write. Like a therapy for myself.And maybe,just maybe,someone on the planet will find this helpful.or reassuring.or sweet.

Atac de panica

Cuvintele ieseau din ea,suvoi.Le simtea pe sira spinarii,cum se strecurau tiptil catre gura.Si sentimentul acela,cu lipsa de aer si transpiratii reci ii cuprindea inima.Fiecare muschi din corp ii era intins la maximum.Un alt atac de panica,o alta zi de rahat.

Si de ce?De ce toate astea?Era destul de desteapta sa stie ca si-o face singura.Cateodata il detesta.Era dependenta de starea lui de spirit,iar el stia asta.

Jumatatea de medicament era deja in gura.Pe nemancate isi facea si mai repede efectul.Iar cuvintele obosite,nerostite se retrageau incet,ca o otrava.

Nu gandea de multe ori,dar simtea cu fiecare fibra a fiintei ei.Simtea ploaia,bucuria sau tristetea din aer,ochii celorlalti care o priveau chiar daca privirile nu li se intersectau,simtea adanc sufletul lui.

Si stia ca el stie.Au fost intotdeauna intr-o relatie love-hate.Oamenii se intrebau de multe ori ce ii tine impreuna.Nici ei nu stiu.Sau nu vor sa stie.

Ce proasta era!

Somnul venea incet,pleoapele ii cadeau grele.Ultimele lacrimi inghitite se duceau si ele,sa-i arda sufletul.Din nou si din nou.

Din nou.

Each day a new start

Nici macar nu stiu cu ce limba sa incep. Pentru ca-s o romanca ce traieste in Germania si careia ii place sa scrie in engleza. Am si uitat ca imi place sa scriu, am fost/sunt ocupata sa ma lupt cu anxietatea,burn-out-ul, depresia, cu mine in general. Azi e o zi buna si mi-am indeplinit un vis: sa am un blog intr-o zi.

Asteptari?Desigur. Sa intalnesc oameni ca mine.